Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Dating Game - Tips for the single daters

I know that there are a lot of you out there who are single this Valentine’s Day, and are playing the dating game. I decided to lend a hand to those of you who need help, and warn those of you who don’t. Dating is not as simple as it was in the past. There are more and more losers, stalkers, and crazy people out there now…ha ha.

First off, you have to get the 1st impression correct. Ladies and gentleman NEWS FLASH…9 out of 10 times, your first impression of someone is correct. If you meet someone and within 5 minutes you think to yourself…this guy or girl is an ass, just go with your gut instinct, it’s probably not going to get better the more you get to know them.

Now ladies, if you pay attention on the 1st date, you can walk away knowing most everything that you need to know about a man. Here are some things to look for, and what they usually mean.

Here are some signs that he is just looking for some ass

  • a. He keeps glancing at your chest, or watches your butt when you walk away.
  • b. He asks you to repeat a question more than 1 time, you are not in a loud place, and he is not wearing a hearing aid
  • c. He tries to grab your waist or butt within the 1st five minutes.
  • d. He asks you to come to his or your place, but hasn’t asked your last name yet.
  • e. He comments on how you seem like a freak.

Here are some signs that he is too conceited.

  • a. He looks at himself more than once in the car windows that he walks past.
  • b. He talks about himself for more than 10 minutes straight
  • c. If you go out to eat, he takes the seat looking out toward the people, which forces you to take the seat facing the wall so you can only see him
  • d. He is constantly looking at other people instead of you.

Here are some signs that he is just plain trouble

  • a. He doesn’t want to tell you his last name.
  • b. He glares at other men who look at you.
  • c. He “mentions” the type of friends that you have
  • d. He asks you more than once if you live alone
  • e. He brings any kind of weapon on the date
  • f. He makes you walk the other way if he sees a cop
  • g. He walks away from you to have a discussion with his friends
  • h. He calls you more than twice, the day of the date
  • i. He asks you your address of your house or job
  • j. He has answered his phone more than twice, but none of the conversations are more than 2 minutes
  • k. He keeps scanning the room.
  • l. It is obvious to you that he is antsy or overly anxious
  • m. He leads you by grabbing your arm when you walk

Now to the men…Women are much harder to read, and they will purposely make themselves appear normal, even if they are not. But if you pay attention, you can figure out that something is off. Here are some signs that women give.

Signs that she is only interested in your money

  • a. She gives your outfit a full once over when you meet, from your shoes and up to your shirt
  • b. She orders something expensive from the menu, then only eats a few bites
  • c. She answers any question with, “well what do I get”
  • d. She mentions needing to go shopping
  • e. Her cell phone is cut off
  • f. She mentions money more than once
  • g. She keeps giggling… trust me, if you’re not Katt Williams, you are not that funny.
  • h. If she looks expensive…she probably is.
  • i. She doesn’t have a job, or works in fast food

Signs that she is crazy

  • a. She glares at the waitress that takes your order and other women in the vicinity
  • b. She crowds close and wraps around your arm in public
  • c. She asks you your address of your house or job
  • d. She continues to ask “who is that” when your phone rings
  • e. She stares at anyone you stop to talk to
  • f. She mentions “the future”
  • g. She introduces you to her kids, or parents, unless she is a minor
  • h. She complains about her ex’s, and you didn’t ask
  • i. She compares you to someone else that she dated

Again, these are just a few of the signs, but the basic idea is, just pay attention to the person that you are with, and maybe dating will be a little easier for you.

Another mistake you want to avoid, is to assume that the date is going well. I have gone out with a few men who got a little upset when they found out that I wasn’t interested. So if you are questioning whether or not the date is going good, here are a few signs that the person you are with just isn’t that interested in you.

  • a. They are paying more attention to the surroundings, instead of you.
  • b. They ask you a question, and then close their eyes while you answer
  • c. They answer their phone and have a conversation longer than 5 minutes, and you can tell it isn’t work
  • d. They flirt with someone else
  • e. They keep mentioning how early they have to get up
  • f. They end the date with I’ll see you later

To sum it all up, when you are dating, just be yourself. If you give a false impression of yourself, you can’t get mad when someone doesn’t like the real you. I always think of the skit that Sommore did on the queens of comedy tour, about people needing a side effect label. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if you knew what you were getting into before you signed on the dotted line…haha

Here are a couple of the worst date stories from me and my friends. I guess we all miss some signs sometimes…haha

  • Mine was a few years ago, I was set up on a blind date by one of my friend’s boyfriend. It was right after I moved to Pittsburgh, and I didn’t know much about the city. This guy came to my dorm to pick me up, and we went out to dinner. He was very attractive, and very sweet. We ate dinner and were talking for a few minutes afterwards. He asked if I was ready to leave, so that we could go to a movie. I agreed so he asked for the check, and paid the waitress. He was kind of rushing and I wasn’t sure why, but hey he was sexy so who am I to complain right. I had to use the restroom, but for some reason he asked me to wait a few minutes, which was odd as well. Right at 10pm, his phone rang. Now I am a courteous person, so I tried to walk away to give him some privacy, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me close. He said that it was his roommate, who locked himself out, and asked if we could drive there real fast and let him in. Now, it was early so I didn’t mind. We get in his car and start to drive to his house. After about 30 minutes of driving on the freeway in the middle of no where, he looks over and asks “so are you sure your ok with this?” Now mind you, I am 17 at the time and he is 24, and I had no clue what he meant, so I said sure. He smiled at me and pulled down a dark street to the front of a house. He leaned over and tried to kiss me and grab on me. I was like “what the hell are you doing, don’t we gotta let your roommate in” He said “um yea of course, but that can wait, I want to get to know you better, and leans over to start again. Now, at this point I am a little mad, so I pull away and say” so ask me something then, your not gonna learn nothing new in my pants.” He gets pissed, calls me a tease and gets out of the car. He comes around to my side, pulls me out of the car, and says walk home bitch and pulls away. He left me on the street in a random town off the freeway at night alone. I ended up calling a cab, which was horrible because I had to walk around for a half hour until I found a random bar, to ask where the hell I was at. On the plus side, the cab driver was extremely nice. He asked what happened, and listened to the whole thing. Then he apologized on behalf of men, and drove me home without charging me a penny. It was a little light at the end of the worst date I have ever had…

L from Texas writes:

  • When I was in high school I liked this guy a lot and I thought he liked me too. We would talk after classes and stuff. I guess one day he got the guts to ask me out on a date. So I took one of my girl friends for girl support and he did the same thing. Well, we went to the movies had a good to time and flirted. When we went to eat afterwards, my girl-friend saw her man dining with another chick lol..Yes, there was trouble she marched over to where they were sitting at. Started bitching to her man why he hardly took her out and never did stuff for her. For some reason my date was nervous I didn’t really pay attention why because I was all into the drama stuff. Well. My girl was screaming going nuts wanting to hit the chic and her man. My girls man told her he doesn’t want to be with her, and my friend got mad.I was so embarrassed by now because people were just looking at us while I tried to calm her down. Out of nowhere she goes to him (her man). I fucked this muthafucker right here, and pointed to MY DATE!!!!! I almost choked, my date looked like he was about to pee, or cry. I was so surprised like my girls man was. I finally understood why he was so nervous. She said to her man and "He makes me scream...something your little dick never did". I was mortified. Here I was dating this hot guy I liked not knowing that they had a story behind. My date tried to give me all the excuses in the world. Needless to say, I did not want to go out with him afterwards.

R from California Writes

  • I once had a guy come up to me when I was on a date with another guy and he tried to fight him in the restaurant for my time. It was ridiculous. Needless to say, I went home alone that night. I also had a guy ask me every 5 min how he looked and if I thought he was pretty.

D from Pittsburgh Writes

  • I was on a date with this chic, and we decided to go out to a restaurant and have some drinks. So we get there and order drinks and dinner. We’re eating and apparently her ex walked in with her now boyfriend. She pointed him out to me and started telling me all about what a jerk he was and how she can’t stand him anymore. While she’s complaining the whole time, she is sucking down drink after drink. After about the 3rd drink she is obviously drunk, and very upset. I decided to take her home. As we are walking out, she starts to cry and saying she wants to go home. So, we get in my car and I drive her toward her house, and she is still complaining about him. All the sudden she rolls down the window and throws up all over the side of my car. Then she starts crying again. I finally get to her house and she looks over at me and says ”I’m so sorry about tonight, but don’t worry the next date will be better.” I just stared at her like she was nuts and mumbled uh huh. I had to stop at the car wash on the way home. I planned on never talking to her again, but she called me like 30 times the next day. I got tired of it so I had my sister answer the phone and say that she was my girlfriend and to stop calling her man. I’d hate to be the next guy she dated, I am sure he heard all about it…haha

So I hope this helps some of you single people. If you have any comments, dating horror stories, or any more signs to look out for, please feel free to share them.
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